I sometimes feel bad about being away when the traumatic stuff is going on like when my mom had her cancer scare, or when she first decided to leave her husband. I wanted to be there for support, but I knew that she pretty much had it covered by everyone else. Other than recently on this blog and talking with my husband do I ever really open up and let my true feelings fly. But I can tell you that in the less than a week that I have been here in Missouri with my family, I would give anything to be safe with my husband and children and not be under the watchful eye of my gestapo grandmother.
When I was a little girl she was everything to me, she took me places when my mom would be sick she would be there to clean the house, I recall a time when my mom was having a dependency issue with prescription medications(ohhh now you see my final paper reasoning) and she came to our house and ripped my mom apart saying she was going to take my sisters and I away. Oh course we would have none of this and my mom brought herself out of her stupor to tell her to get the hell out. My mom straightened up a bit and grandma kept her distance for quite sometime. Throughout the years I have come to my grandparents for guidance in my spiritual life, I have always known as an adult to stay away from her to not tell her anything that she can misconstrue and use to make you look bad to the whole family, but the call of how are you and I love you comes about once a month. I am two days into being here in Missouri getting my work lined up, getting caught up on some school and here comes my grandmother and grandpa, she starts in on me tellling me my oldest son raises his brothers and sisters, says I have brainwashed my son, and he had better hope he can get in the military so he can have a life. Oh did I mention she was calling my husband a loser and fat? Who does that I thought only children stoop to the name calling. I had finally had enough of the wrath of grandma and I said who do you think you are claiming these things? Do you live in my house? Are you around me? Do I call you with anything other than a hello and I love you? No, I do not so where do you get off? She based her whole idea of Zach as my little slave boy from 5 years ago when we all went to my aunts and I had asked Zach to please grab the bad out of the car so I can get the kids suits on. How dare I? So to sum it up I am sick of people thinking they can assume and speak to me in whatever fashion they feel. Whey can people not over judge and keep hurtful things like that to themselves knowing damn good and well they are prefabricated misconceptions based on one instance blown out of proportion.
I received an I am sorry call later, but I will never forgive or forget what she said to me that day, one can take so much and I can take nothing more from some of my family. I an only here to help the true ones I love, this is very hard to do but for them I will deal with this crap from her. She had surgery the other day I did not even bother to go and check on her, mom did she can continue to put up with her, no wonder my mom has the lowest self esteem I have ever seen she never gets positive feedback from her parents just negative. You would think getting up there in age one would love and cherish there family and not stomp on them like she does. She thinks she can say and do what makes her feel better, I know she wont die alone, but I will not be around, I want to remember her for the woman that cared for me not this monster she has become, or maybe always has been I was just blinded.
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